Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
