I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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