You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
