Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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