i think i scared a bird with my dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
