ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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