haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
