Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
