Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize