If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
