AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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