those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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