She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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