Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
