I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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