i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
