the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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