SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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