i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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