i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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