At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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