when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
