...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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