I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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