My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
