I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
