It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
