4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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