There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
do herpes really smell.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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