R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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