Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
even my farts smell like vagina
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
