o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
