PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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