I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
