It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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