peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
