i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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