The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
