guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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