i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
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