I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
