My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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