Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize