Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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