My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
