So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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