my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
