i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
