I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize