i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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