I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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