I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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