Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I look better un-naked...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
