I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
