we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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