I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Boobs are out for the taking
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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