I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
