he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Randomize
