11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
