i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
