First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
