I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
