he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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