The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
