even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
