Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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