I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
