Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
