yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We just shotgunned beers for America
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize