My hand turned me down
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
