You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
