Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
