I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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