Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
