he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
