...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
