I think i peed on brittanys purse
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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