im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
