Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
