"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
