omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I queefed so loud it echoed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
