just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
