just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
