He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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