No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
