never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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