So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
