just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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