yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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