Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
