yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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