I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
